destined for greatness

I always knew I was destined for greatness. Stop laughing. Everyone feels that way at least once in their life, right? Pretty embarrassing, but growing up I always thought I would be famous for something. I thought I would become an actress or musician. I dreamed of it.

I tried drama in high school. I'm pretty dramatic, but when it comes to acting in front of an audience.. I croak. I'm the loud kid in front of familiar people, but when I get around a group of people I've never met or barely know I shut down and become a totally different person.
I tried piano when I was growing up and quickly lost interest. I took guitar lessons while in high school and realized I have no sense of rhythm. That would explain why I sucked at the trumpet in middle school and junior high.
I always thought I was a pretty artsy person. I tried art in high school. I sucked. Plain and simple. I can draw stick people sitting on a bench next to the ocean with a tree and the sunshine. That's about it. Basic or DYI step-by-step instructions.
I was never very good in school. If I was graded on my loud mouth or my social skills, I would have done a lot better. I was always the kid that got the comment on their progress report about how I should basically shut my mouth during class. It got me in a lot of trouble growing up. Almost every report card I would get the same speech from my dad. "Megan, your grades will stick with you forever. Not all of your friends will." It was always hard for me to put school work before my social life.

When I started taking pictures I felt like I didn't even have to try. Some people feel that way about acting, art, music or tests. I feel this way about photography. I honestly feel like I could point the camera at the ugliest thing and somehow make it look beautiful. I'm usually not so conceited as I sound right now, I promise. It's hard for me to say that I know I'm good at something. I haven't decided if I found out what it is earlier or later than most people. It took me several years (even after my Taylor Swift picture was published) to decide that I'm good at what I do. I still have SO much learning to do, but it's something that I like teaching myself rather than someone else teaching me. I can finally say I'm proud of myself and how far I've come with my photography.

You can view my photography on my Flickr by clicking HERE. Or to the left on my blog at anytime. :)

In 2006 I had a point and shoot Pentax. I was obsessed with photography. I had never even used a camera with a detachable lens. 

2006

2006

In 2007 I learned I loved to shoot bands the most. I love the lights and the fans I can capture in photographs. I love everything about photographing bands doing their thing. Maybe it's because I secretly want to be famous. Maybe it's because I tried the whole music thing and have a different kind of respect for them. Who knows.

2007

In 2008 my Pentax broke and I got my first point and shoot Cannon. It was pretty cool. 

In December 2009 I got my Nikon D60 for Christmas. My first professional camera. I would photograph anything and everything. I finally started using it to capture beautiful people.  I finally learned how to edit, but not the good kind of editing. I was a total N00B and used Picnik ALOT. I'm actually embarrassed by how terrible some of my editing turned out. I'm embarrassed that I thought I had to do alot of editing to cover up stuff. There is so much beauty in photographs that are totally unedited, to me. You can only use photoshop so much before your picture starts to look FAKE. and who likes a fake? 

2009

2009

2009

2009 ^I'm also embarrassed by my logo in the corner. Seriously? Peace?

2009

2009

2009

In August 2009 I got my second lens. I mainly use it for Thunder basketball games and concerts. This was the first picture I took with it:

2009

In 2010 my first photograph was published in a major magazine. Most of you should know US Weekly. They came out with a Special Edition Taylor Swift magazine and my picture was a spread towards the beginning of the magazine. This is when I fell in love with my flickr account. If I wouldn't of had my picture posted then the lady from US Weekly would never have messaged me. I would have never gotten published and wouldn't have been compensated. It was a major milestone in my photography career. 

2010

2010

2010

2010

2010

2010

In 2011 I really started photographing people more. I dragged Taylor around on several photoshoots. I don't think she hated it. Also, it helped me get a little bossy. In the beginning of a shoot it's hard for me to boss someone around and tell them to pose a certain way. After a couple pictures of them not doing what I'm imagining I start to get strict on exactly how they pose. :)

2011

2011

2011

2011

2011

Brings me to 2012. My variety of people I photograph is growing. This flashback amazes me with how far I've come. I was once just a 17 year old with a camera. I had no idea what was in store for me. I've grown, but still have alot more to accomplish. 

2012

2012

2012

2012

2012

2012

2012

2012

If you've stuck it out this long and read my whole post, I applaud you. No, seriously. Thank you. I'm moving forward with my photography and want to someday call this my career. I've been thinking of names for a business for a year now, so if you have any ideas... SHOOT them my way.

get it? eh? eh?

okay, I'll stop wasting your time now. 

:)

Dear Mom,

Here it comes. My "Dear Mom," post. All the things I would love to tell my beautiful mother. All the things I pray she knows. All the things I usually try to keep to myself. Lies I tell people and wishes I have.

My beautiful and caring mother passed away before I even celebrated my first birthday. The anniversary of her death was last week. I was lucky enough to be in Arkansas surrounded around people who have memories with her and I visited her grave. I've never been able to do that on April 15th. It really helped being around so many people who loved her.

I never knew I could love (and miss) someone without remembering them. Then, I think about my mom and I realize I do. When I was growing up, I would often hear people tell me I looked (and acted) just like my Mother. I still do every now and then. I start to hear it less now, though, because fewer people knew my mom. My greatest fear is when everyone who knew my mom joins her in heaven. What happens when I have questions about her? How will they get answered? They won't. That's what I'm dreading the most.

I'm stuck in the 80s every single time I see a picture of her. I imagine what she would look like and dress like now (23 years later). Since pictures mean a lot to me, I wonder what a current picture of us would look like. I wonder how much different my life would have turned out. I wonder what kind of person I would have became. What kind of friends I would have had.

January and April are usually exceptionally hard months for me. I know, I know, exactly what you're thinking.. HOW can it be hard for you when you never even knew her?
People ALWAYS tell me they're "sorry" when they hear my unfortunate news (thanks, but that is the most awkward thing you could say to me). So, I respond with... "It would have been a lot more difficult if I would have known her." Thats the biggest lie I tell people. I mean, sure, it would have been hard knowing her. BUT, the fact that I never knew her is one of the hardest things. So, instead of dealing with people I just lie. Depressing, I know. But, there IS a plus side. "A plus side?", you say, "How can there be a plus side?"
My thoughtful mother left me a couple of notes in a book once she started getting sick. Some I will never tell people. But, the really adorable stuff I can't keep to myself.

"I love you and your father so much and sometimes it's hard for me to understand why my time came so early. But God has a purpose for everyone and everything - remember that."

I have it memorized. THIS is how I know what a great big beautiful heart my mom had. THIS is how I have a plus side and THIS is how I love her without even remembering a thing about her. It's one of my all-time favorite quotes. HOW can someone going through so much indescribable, unbelievable, pain think as positive as that? I know very, very, few people that would be as optimistic as she was.
I truly believe everything happens for a reason. I'm thankful she taught me that. So, whenever I have questions regarding how different my life would have been with her, I remember this quote. I remember everything DOES happen for a reason. I remember God DOES have a purpose for me.

I think the greatest compliment I can have is being told I look, or act, like my mom. It's honestly an honor and I can't imagine receiving a better compliment.

I miss you every single day. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and wonder what could have been. Thank you for teaching me so much more than you ever thought you could. Thank you for being strong for us. Thank you for always listening. Thank you for protecting and watching over me and thank you for your unconditional love at the earliest stage in my life. I couldn't have asked for a stronger and more beautiful mother. I couldn't ask for a better guardian angel. You mean the world to me.

Why you gotta be so MEAN?

Find a grip and catch ahold of it. I'm about to let you know exactly how I feel if I see one more hateful status about a stranger you don't even know.

I find it absolutely disgusting that a human can judge a particular family and complain about their life on a Facebook status. Especially when this girl doesn't even know these people.
This is when it hit me. Stop judging others. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do my fair share of judging. I don't, however, post it for the public on a social networking site. I try to keep my judging to myself and my close friends.
Everyone you run into is facing something you know NOTHING about. Everyone has personal problems that they keep personal for a reason. Just because you see a mom with two pregnant teenage girls doesn't mean you know their story. Keep your thoughts to yourself. You have no idea what kind of family situation they live in and, honestly, it's none of your business. Stop judging everyone else's problems and go work on your own. Honey, you aren't perfect. No one is.

You claim to be Christian. Read the Bible and let me know if your Savior judged and publicly humiliated innocent families.

All my love. ALWAYS.

I'm cleaning my room and sorting through a box full of things from the old Jeep.

I always find little notes from Aunt Ruth laying around. She always sent them in the mail and I would hold onto them because I KNEW times would get rough once she was gone, couldn't bring myself to throw them in the trash cause they meant something and there were so many. I LOVE that I find them. I usually find them when i'm having a bad day or I need a pick-me-up. It's kind of like God is reminding me that she loved me so much and she's looking down over me.

So, anyway, I found one in the box from the Jeep. In this particular one she wrote several verses and sentences all around the envelope. I almost wish there was a date somewhere because I have no idea what year this came from, but it reads:

"Megan, God has made you special. All my love always - Aunt Ruth

No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you or forsake you. Joshua 1:5

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and I will listen to you, you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11"

She was pretty good about knowing verses, but I went ahead and opened her bible. As I opened it I down-poured with emotions. The smell of Aunt Ruth was sealed inside the bible case. I have grown further and further from God and no one would be more disappointed in me than Aunt Ruth. I need to get back to where I was. As I turned to Joshua the paragraph was underlined. As I turned to Jeremiah this paragraph was also underlined. Most of her bible has very detailed explanations of what she believed or underlines on certain verses. I know I found these verses for a reason. It's just what I needed.

I hate that I've grown so far from the Lord. I hate that I don't pray except when I need something. I hate that I don't go to church because I can't make time. It's like a friendship that I feel like I'm failing at. I vow to try harder... starting right now.


As long as I'm living...

Live life. No regrets.

Take chances.
You're going to get fired and you're going to get a new job. It'll happen again and you'll get another job.
You're going to fall in love and get hurt. You'll love again AND get hurt again.
You'll lose friends and gain even better ones. After all, the ones you lost obviously weren't great friends to begin with. If they were, life will bring you together again.
Death is the worst thing I can even imagine. It's going to take the ones you love. The ones you thought would be alive forever. You'll be fine, because they're watching over you. Love them while they're here with you.
You'll make mistakes. Go ahead and make them. You'll learn.
Take lots of pictures and make a ton of memories.
You're going to change your major, drop out, go back and change your major again. It cost you, but you learned.
Run. You'll love it and make friends you'll keep forever.
High school is high school. Enjoy it. The real world honestly isn't like that at all.
Don't let "your mama" jokes hurt you. They don't mean it.
Take risks and learn to have no regrets.
Moms right, everything DOES happen for a reason.
You're going to love animals. They love you when no one else does. No matter what you've done to them.
Your dad is going to push you out into the world. Thank him for it. You probably wouldn't have moved out and learned more about yourself.
You're going to find out what you're good at. Don't let it go. You'll love it. You were born for this.

If I would have told myself all these things when I was young then I wouldn't have grown up as innocent as I did. I wouldn't have gotten hurt. I wouldn't have lived life. I wouldn't have found myself.

It's pretty great how I lost a friendship because I'm so "immature" (sarcasm).
I've found myself. I know who I want to be and what I want to do for the rest of my life. I don't rely on my family for every dime. For that I'm so thankful for my dad and how he raised me. But, that's another post in itself.